A guide to a healthy relationship.

  1. Relationship counselling.

It might seem like you are jumping the gun a bit but as soon as that fifth date hits, get yourself a good, objective professional to help you guys work through your issues. Your friend Sarah who is a law graduate who has seen over forty episodes of ‘Cheaters’ is perfect. Get ready for relationship bliss.

 

  1. Social Media.

Be sure to post every relationship update on Facebook. It lets the world know how in love you are and it is fun!

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  1. Make sure you are his social life.

Friends? Lol, that was pre-Christina hun. He doesn’t need anyone else if he has you. You provide him with all of the social, emotional and physical needs he could possibly require. I don’t care if Rob has been his bestie since birth, he is annoying and interferes in your super healthy relationship.

 

  1. Passwords and Privacy.

Just download a decent app to track his movement and whereabouts. What’s that babe? You visiting your granny? That’s funny cos I’m pretty sure she isn’t residing in a downtown strip club. Ima lose my shit in about 2.5 seconds.

 

  1. Keep him guessing.

Men love it when you mess with them. Remember that thing I said didn’t annoy me? Today it enrages me and tomorrow, I probably won’t care. Am I off my meds? Am I on them? He loves the mystery.

 

  1. Tell him your opinion on absolutely everything.

It’s hardly your fault his sister decided to have her engagement party on your dog’s half birthday. Don’t be afraid to share it with him and everyone else at the party.

 

  1. Get drunk.

Breakfast mojito:

5 mint leaves

1.5 teaspoons of sugar

Soda mixer

Lime juice

Rum

500g of Cereal

 

-Christina

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